LeaderMoms and MomLeaders often live with a dynamic tension, and there is nothing like a pandemic to bring that tension to the surface.

Day to day, there are often beautiful, powerful connections, mutual benefits and appreciation – and there are moments of divide, when it is hard to relate and feelings of being misunderstood or judged negatively go both ways.

During this coronavirus outbreak, the contrasts between my own days and one of my daughter’s closest friend’s mom – Gail – hit that tension, and what happened ended up being kind of great.

I was in this mode: work cancellations, postponements of programs, shifting how our team will work, supporting clients. Prioritize and focus.

Then, Gail, texted, to check on the girls and report on her full freezer and strategically stocked walk-in pantry. She offered to share her list and I said yes. And the items came one at a time – ding, ding, ding. Working, reading, the mounting texts sparked, unintentionally, a wave of anxiety and guilt. Then very-judgy thoughts ran through my mind, “What if I fail my kids at the exact moment they need me most?” and “Oh god, I am the worst.” It felt like the day before vacation, domestic shortcomings coming into full view. Thanks to emotional intelligence mindfulness trainings, I was able to notice the thoughts and feelings with curiosity, and recognized I was being tempted by the feeling and thinking traps we coach clients to avoid.

Then, Maria’s voice came into my mind from a morning client call about resilience. “We need to be careful of the question we are living into.”

At that moment, the questions I was living into – okay, churning into – were clearly the wrong ones. I tried another one, leveraging the growth mindset content we promote: “How can I learn from Gail’s successful readiness and leverage her example?” To feel 20% more prepared, I got about 40% via local grocery delivery, because it’s good enough, not perfect, that I am going for.

Then a moment ago, in a text exchange with Gail, she shared all a list of some of the positive, connective things she is planning. I was in awe and thanked her for the inspiration.

Her reply, “….I just have more time to be silly with these things.” Notice how she is beating herself up too. “Not silly,” I replied, “It’s thoughtful and I am going to follow it.” That is me chipping away at the gender-bias-laden dynamic between us.

So these are the questions I am carrying into today.

What is really important to me and to our family in those moment? Safety, sanity and being good citizens and community members.
How will our family get as aligned as we can be in this situation? The goal for today: quick chats with each about what they can and want to do. Listening.
How can I make this time a bit more positive and more meaningful for all of us? Today I will follow Maria’s good example and think about who we are benefiting with social isolation, and I will ask the kids to do a facetime schedule to stay in touch with their grandparents. Well, there’s Zoom, and we are offering webinars on resilience to our members.
How will I continue to find inspiration in the example of others? We will ask you all to tell us the things you have done to be at your best under this stress and what you have already admired in others.

Avoid Negative Traps with MomLeaders (aka Stay-at-Home Moms) to Find Mutual Benefit